The Brave Dreamer Journey!

“When you’re dreaming with a broken heart,
And waking up is the hardest part.
You roll out of bed & down on your knees,
And for a moment you can hardly breathe.
Wondering was she even here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she’s not.
Coz she’s gone gone gone gone
Gone.”
-John Mayer.

Dear Brave Dreamer,

Today is a special day. A significant day that would normally hold joyful celebration & much partying… For one wonderful reason!

Its Mama Shells Birthday!

In 2015 while living in the city, I met Shelly & her wonder-filled family who had just moved down from Mackay. They had moved to take part in a course that I was in the role of ‘peer support’ at. The first real memory I have of Mama Shell is having a weird & whacky encouragement that I knew I had to share with her, even though I feared she would think I was completely bonkers & never want to speak to me again..!
To my great delight & relief, she responded in the complete opposite reaction resulting in this memory being one of the most uncontrollable joy as we sat on the floor together & laughed till our guts hurt & our tears fell down our cheeks… yep! This lady & I were going to be forever friends! The next memory was of a call I made to her, as peer support, to see how she was going among a stream of events that her family was going through. I called her on a Monday & when she answered she was in the middle of mopping the floors of her beautiful big home to her 5 children, husband & their scruffy puppy… Monday was her ‘cleaning the house’ day!
“Oh hi Sarah! No I can chat… you learn to multitask when you are the mama of the house…” And so we did… for over an hour! Which… in high insight, was probably our quickest chat to date..!

Mama Shell became family to my heart so quickly! We shared so many similarities in heart & character! She loved people… so do I. She loved having people in her space… So do I. She loved to laugh… So do I. She loved Butterflies… So do I. She loved to dance to any good tune in any public location in front of anyone… So do I. She loved animals & going to the zoo… So do I. Her favorite color was rainbow… So is mine. She loved being cheeky… So do I. She dreamt wild & courageously So do I. She had an undeniable gift, bond & love for kids… So do I…! Her great desire was to love people deeply & completely making sure they knew they had a friend in her… So. Do. I!!!
Shelly was just one big warm hug on legs… And gosh did everyone know it!

A chunk of my heart went with her to heaven when she passed away at the start of this year after a completely courageous battle with cancer. Holding her hand & laughing together as we always did within the last 48 hours of her life was & always will be one of the greatest honors of my moments in life… as was every moment we were blessed to have together!

You see… Right now, in this moment of my own story, there is SO much beauty, breakthrough, color… dreams coming true in front of my eyes… ohhhh man is it a sweet time! Even just this week I have had such incredible things happening that I cant wait to share in my next blog… but today… is a moment to celebrate my darling Mama Shell!

I have often struggled with the contrast of ‘Joy & Sorrow’… how they could coexist together & it actually be ok…! Its only been in recent years, as I have grown confident in who I ‘am & embraced my own self with confidence… which I ‘am still on the journey of doing by the way… that I have found the beautiful dance of them both.
As someone who naturally genuinely carries a joyful presence, I have very often felt the pressure to stuff any ‘sad’ that I feel down & cover it with whatever color or smile I could muster… now I know… being Really Me is actually what I want to gift the world around me with..! There is no shame nor weakness in tears… if anything, being present with your sorrow & sadness only gives Joy a louder voice.

Mama Shell knew me deeply. Not because we had spent years journeying side by side or because she watched me grow up or because I knew her kids… it was a soul connection. We were kindred spirits with a wild & hilarious unspoken language that one of us only had to look at the other & the giggles would hit. She was so special like that!

When Brave Dreamers entered my heart along with the realization that I also had a gift for loving & connecting with little people, I remember Mama Shell having yet another big giggle to herself! It was not a surprise to her…
“Of course you do! You always have..!”
Yep. She saw & knew me deeply!
Being a school chaplain then a child case worker for years, seeing & being amongst many heart breaking, soul shaking real life stories, I knew I could confide in her with my own deep desire to journey deeply with anyone & everyone who needed a friend. She got it. She knew it. Lived and breathed it.. & brought it out of me in loud confident encouragements, words of advise & the greatest wisdom! Oh what a gift I had in her love…

Brave Dreamers, there is no shame in having your moments of pain, tears, grief, disappointment… amongst the reality of beautiful things happening too! Both play their part! They go together. They Dance.
*Watch this space for more wildly beautiful stories on The Dance*

I miss my Mama Shell. Every day! And probably will always feel the sharp stings of remembering that the next hugs & chats will have to be after this life journey is done… but ohhhh wow am I grateful!

I ‘am no stranger to the narrative of grief but with Mama Shells passing I felt a change in me. I no longer needed the ‘break from working on my dreams’ while I mourned… instead, I feel the strongest urge to GO! To hug the children, laugh & play, see the cultures, connect with the people, see the sights, dance the dance, sing the songs, hear the stories, be present with the one… To be a Friend.

Here is the encouragement…

You have a friend in me. And Yes! I KNOW that is enough! Its enough to take that brave step, speak those brave words, dream those brave dreams & be Bravely YOU… why?! Because I’m cheering for you! And I know from having a forever friend like Mama Shell and the way she loved me, that I can keep going on.

Who can you be a friend to that may need you Brave Dreamer?! Don’t get me wrong… it is for sure a journey… but one we can do Together!

Mama Shell. Thankyou! For Seeing Me. Knowing Me. Cheering Me on and Championing me forward… For Loving me endlessly! I ‘am so Grateful!
Always, Your Pollyanna.

I have some exciting breakthroughs to share with you all in the days to come Brave Dreamers… but for now,

Be You. Stay You. LOVE YOU!
xxx