The Brave Dreamer Journey!

Dear Brave Dreamer,

I’m still in my Pajamas… its 2;30 in the afternoon… my hair needs washing & I’m still waiting to see if I’ll be able to go out for just a few sweet hours this evening. I’m not home because I’ve been grounded or have a curfew that someone is watching I keep or because my car is being fixed… I have no ‘adult’ reason for being here, in my Pj’s, writing a blog… Other than one… one statement, one decision made that resulted in this scene… which is:
Iam a Reluctant Rester who is still learning to make the right decisions at the right times as a result of listening to my body’s sometimes gentle yet mostly loud, undeniable warnings that it needs me to rest…
This week… unfortunately is going in the books as an ‘oops’ moment..!

I have never been a ‘graceful’ rester… back in my school days, amongst a whirlwind of brain surgeries, warnings from doctors, friends, family… to ‘take it easy’… even deliberate changes in my school day diary to include ‘rest periods’… I still carried this deep, stubborn resistance to actually allow myself to lean into the slower pace that was said to be good for me..!

And then… as life keeps rolling on, bringing with it allll the experiences & opportunities to learn & grow… I can now say…
I STILL HAVENT GOT IT RIGHT! hahaha.

Yes, I acknowledge my understanding for the different paces at different times in order to endure the journey… but myyy goodness do I find it hard to ‘give in’ to the rest times. And that is exactly what continues to need to be changed in me…! My understanding and belief around what ‘rest’ is & its beautiful importance in living life to the full!

Truth is, its been a very intentional, hard fight for the ‘independent’ life… To be able to dream & pursue different adventures in my day to day, to push against fears of the unknown, fears of the ‘could be’s’, fears of memories of experiences past to create & then keep up with the momentum my crazy soul sees & wants… & EXPECTS my body to keep up with..! Its a hard reality to accept when your wisdom tells you that ‘rest is inevitable’ as that calls for times of ‘saying no’… canceling some plans… taking it easy when all you really want is to be running a million miles per hour in the wide open fields of your dreams.
Over the years, I have sloooowly been implementing the lessons learnt around rest. Slowwwwly! haha. And then… there was this year! Which is still revealing its beauty as I lean into the new pace of life for this special season. AND THEN… there has been THIS week… another classic ‘oops’ moment…!
I had a bit tooo much zeal for my days this week & before I knew it, half way through the week, my body had yet another “NOPE” moment that saw me visiting my wonderful friends in the ER at some ridiculous hour of the morning.
While being hooked up to an IV in a little room by myself in the ER with my leopard print jammies on, I had time to reflect on the week & what I had done to get to this moment.. the moments I had felt like a rest…. but then distracted myself with shiney things or people to fill my time with… when my body started to feel exhausted & I just pushed that little chunk more… Yep! Ooooops!!!

I LOVE my life & the gift it is to be living! This year, while being rather insane in so many ways, has carried some of the deepest seeded dreams coming to fruition in front of my eyes…!
I’m working with kids in my sweet little job… I have a good little chunk of art in my week… I have moved into the sweetest little home with a bestie & my puppy… my body is loving having a couple of PT sessions a week… Dance has become a big beautiful chunk of my dream to reality in life this year… & I just find it soooo hard to compromise any of these things in my week! What I’m learning… Is that none of these things have to be compromised at all… as long as I honor my Rest time!!!

Iam surrounded by many incredible people living out their incredible stories… It excites & ignites my soul to be inspired by these creative friends of mine… I just need to be constantly reminded… we all have a different pace for our different race! And that is a WONDERFUL thing!!! I’m forever in awe of my darling friends who are working in the local gym, how they run a number of classes before lunch time then have the energy to do a sunset beach walk to finish their day… or my arty friends who teach many back to back classes each day then go home to families to be fully present for… or a dance teacher who lives and breaths movement then goes dancing yet again.. just for the love and fun of it..! My mind & body cant comprehend this well… but I’m more accepting now of the understanding of our own unique capacities, though different, each is important!!!

Disability can be a tricky thing to live with for a Brave Dreaming soul… the difference between leaning into the wisdom of honoring rest and the ignoring of it can carry a significant cost… yet the reward is so sweet.
Surely… Dreams can be accomplished from a place of rest…?! Much is done from a full cup that is overflowing & has the capacity to splash the world around it with its color. Oh what a goal to adhere to!!!

So.. Here are a few Truth bombs I have been combating amongst the journey of embracing Rest:

*Leaning into rest, ‘down time’, allowing yourself to just ‘be’ for the day or however long is needed is not by any means a result of ‘defeat’!!! I think the pressure of being or doing something with my every moment has been a sneaky way to ‘not let health dictate my days’… or people pleasing for a people lover… or deeply proving to myself that my body has to keep up with the pace in which I dream it to be…! Rest is not a place of weakness… its where we come to refill our strength after going hard at life & spending it all up!

*Rest time is an incredibly deep well for creativity!!! Yes… sleep is an important aspect of rest! But knowing what fills you up is an invaluable aspect of refilling your cup! For me, painting, writing, playing my guitar… these are allllll soul filling things that I find hard to put into my day… unless I’m forced to rest! Changing this is a goal of mine…

*Rest and Recouping is an inevitable aspect of EVERY life story… not just the ‘living with Spina Bifida & Hydrocephalous’ story!!! Again,,, it is not something to be seen as a hindrance… just a fuel station!

*Rest Well, Play Hard! Leaning into learning not to compare to other peoples pace is so important!!! Your Journey! Your Pace!!! Find it, lean into it and learn to love love love on it!!!

*EMBRACE THE JOURNEY!!!
Yep! My journey has totally been one of ‘oops’ moments… but as I live and learn… gosh I’m growing in my love & appreciation for the ‘rest times’!

My body has been through the ringer many a times as I’ve been learning to navigate this aspect of my journey… It can be a tricky one but also such a gift to embrace!

A precious friend, whom I had to cancel some very sweet plans with this week as I needed to REST said something significant to me that got me deep while feeling the sadness of not being able to adventure with her.. she said:

“You were built for Adventure. And you were built for Rest! Look after your body!”

It was like breathing in hope to my tired body!

The presence of rest does not rule out the reality of Adventure in the story friends! It just adds a whole level of increased Joy & capacity to take in every moment with a mind & body that is fully present because it has been fully rested!!!

ALLLLL this said… watch this space! haha. I’m very much on the Journey of living out this ‘Embrace the Rest’ thing… Its not natural for this crazy Brave Dreaming soul of mine… But so worth the attention!

Be Encouraged!
From this ‘Reluctant yet Determined to change the narrative’ heart of mine to yours..! Now… I’m off to have a shower, wash my hair, put some fresh Pjs back on… & rest some more!
Till next time,
Be You. Stay You. Love You!
xxx