The Brave Dreamer Journey!

Dear Brave Dreamer,

Its Thursday morning. Last night I went on a sweet date night with my darling who holds love for me so well in all moments of life we have seen so far… Its finally December so we went Christmas light looking & my heart is finally starting to let go & feel excitement for the days ahead after what has been one heck of a year.

In the morning we are traveling to Brisbane for my last medical procedure of 2024… one I have at least twice a year… its quick, a little chunk painful… but 100% worth it… I’m so Grateful! Theres only one issue… Im feeling a horrible wave of anxiety today that feels almost crippling…! My mind knows that it knows that I’m going to be MORE than ok! I know what to expect… my doctor has known me since birth & is one of the kindest humans that I consider family… My darling partner is coming as a hand holder… alllllll the things that I know to put into place to get through the day are ready and waiting… the only glitch is that they have to take me to the theatres to do it this time as there were no slots in the usual ‘in and out’ area I would usually go… and… well… that’s all that its taking to feel this interruption of anxiety.

See… Ive been to these theatres MANY MANY MANY times!!! It’s not even that I don’t know what to expect… quite the opposite actually… My body holds memories in these theatres to its core. I’ve nearly died in these theatres many times… back in the day… I’ve grown up waiting for hours upon hours in the ‘waiting bay’ for the nurses to come and get me for my operations… sometimes by myself… often with someone with me… I know the smells, the sounds, the feel of the cold air on my skin… the look of the big theatre & a cold stainless steal table that I need to transfer onto before the fuss goes on around me… monitors, needles, people people people… all wearing masks that cover up their smiles… thankfully… eyes are the window to the soul & I can still see them..! It is ALL so so very daunting… and… I’m scared. I don’t like to feel or see or be aware of the details in these moments… Its been such a huge year & my heart is oh so ready to go on holidays & kinda ‘numb out’ for a while… alas… here we are. Take a breath. Its actually going to be ok… But taking time to intentionally nurture the nervous system is crucial to even get through TODAY!

Ive grown up blowing bubbles in these moments of life. Literally! And I doubt there will ever be a day that I dont want bubbles in my life… So again, I lean into what I know coupled with the understanding of what relief that brings to my body..!

Breathe in for 4… hold for 4… gently breathe out for 4… blowing bubbles as I exhale… giving the eyes & heart something beautiful, something magical & sweet to look at and take in for but a moment… and repeat! MANY times!!! Bubbles are my secret weapon… ANYONE who knows me at all will tell you that!!!

I have been so busy lately being intentional about tending to my soul… my emotions… memories and moments that have created a fear in me that is hard to shift. Very often it is an irrational fear that my mind feels is stupid but my body feels is real… what I have learnt… is be KINDER still especially in these moment… the body and mind need to be friends… but its up to me to remind them of that when they forget…!

I recently put together a playlist on my phone called “Anxious for Nothing”… one of my favorite scriptures… filled with a bunch of my most nurturing & comforting songs… its been helping SO much!!!

Other things that have been helping… MOVEMENT!!! Whatever I can whenever I can! Im a wobbler… but thank GOD these little legs can still move at all and ohhhh my how I like to challenge them! Especially with a walk on the beach… super tricky for this body of mine… but incredibly rewarding for the soul… Worth every second of puffing after!

Nutrition… making sure that there is more whole foods going into my body and keeping sugar at a minimum.. caffeine is a hot NOPE to this little system of mine… nope nope nope! Food is fuel, medicine & a gift that I continue to learn about and wow is it so so beautiful to understand how much it was created to bless our bodies… Grateful!

Sleep!!! When I can… and as good as quality as I can…! I find this a little tricky actually…! Especially in a year that my home situation has chopped and changed so often and I have found myself sleeping in so many different beds… on top of an exhausted body that continues to wake me up relentlessly every morning at sunrise..! ‘Sleeping in’ has never been a big thing for me… but as I’ve needed more rest I have been learning to make little ‘deals’ with my sunrise loving body..! I still wake up early… but i REST!!! Its different… and you can get creative with what that looks like if you too have a ‘hit the ground running’ kind of soul like mine…! I personally have learnt that if i need to ‘stay home and rest’… I need to keep my PJ’s on… so I’ll often wake up (often sneak out for a little walk with my puppy…), have a shower, put my PJs BACK ON… and do my day at home like that! haha…

Journaling…. is HUGE for me…! I need it! I need to process my thoughts and feelings out loud or on paper… with art… dance…! Iam absolutely a verbal processor… thought that isn’t always an option to have someone at your every beckon and call… so learning how to process things on my own and lead myself through a though process has been one of the biggest blessings of a tool to understand and use…! Being kind to my fear… while taking the reigns out of its clasp and back into mine… and then to Gods… BIG win!!! EVERYONE has a narrative in their minds speaking into their thoughts which is impacting hugely on the emotional actions… to learn that we have the power to redirect that narrative is a golden key I long to see as many people as possible take a hold of..! It can be as simple as taking note of what you let your eyes see, your ears hear and your lips speak..! So many things in our culture these days are bombarding our senses… taking control of how much social media you use, scrolling you do, people you allow to influence your values… plays a HUGE part!!!

I think the last thing Id share on this today is… NOT letting the fear win… or even better put or explained… LOVING yourself through it all!!!! Every Moment! Every Day! Every time anxious thought want to cripple the fun…taking a breath… refocus of a new perspective… reminding your soul that is it soooo safe and that Gods forever with you… cultivate PEACE!!! take it bit by bit if you need to!

Within the battle of getting back into finding my confidence in driving by myself again, one of my game changers has been that when I had to drive I would think of ‘check points’ along the way… place or people that I could connect with if i need a breather on my way to my destination… and celebrating the small wins because they are also Huge!!!!

Brave Dreamers… its ok! Its ok to struggle and its ok to feel… its ok to be overwhelmed and its ok to want or need to back down for a moment to catch your breath… remember who you are, how loved and safe you are… then gently move on. One step, one breath at a time!

Taking this time to sit and write this has been my moment to sit and be… redirect and now I will gently get up again, stretch my wonder-filled body, cuddle my puppy, prepare a snack for my darling to drop off to him at work and… Brave Dream my day away!

Tomorrow morning, we’ll get in the car, I’ll be lovingly driven to the hospital that saved my life and also almost saw me lose it many times, we’ll see some of my lifelong favourite people that work within the walls, Ill get dressed into the most boring of gowns but then make up for it by blowing bubbles that will fly throughout the corridors and if anyone asks I’ll use the excuse ‘Ive grown up here… The rules can bend…” (hehe…) my darling will hold my hand while WE get through the procedure… and then I’ll come home… a little sore… but SO grateful that I know what it is to ‘Take a breath, blow some bubbles… one moment at a time’… and THATS how I love on anxiety!

You’re doing GREAT Brave Dreamers! Go blow some bubbles in the air & let Joy creep through the cracks!

See You, Know You, LOVE You!!!

Love,
Brave Dreamer!