The Brave Dreamer Journey!

Dear Brave Dreamer,

Its Saturday! Ive been out and about to the markets this morning, seen a couple of dear ones I love, gotten a fair share of morning cuddles… and tonight… I had planned to be camping in a beautiful place by a beautiful river, enjoying some lovely quality and adventure time… instead… I have pulled in the reigns as my body has demanded and will be spending the rest of the evening inside resting while the sun shines bright outside my open windows.
Just moments ago I felt the sting of deep disappointment weigh down in my gut… till I heard a small whisper… “Listen to Me…”

On Monday I will be hitting my 6week mark since my gallbladder surgery that ended up being a major adventure. 6! WEEKS!!!! The first almost 3 weeks were significantly painful as my body came to terms with the magnitude of ‘digging around, pulling apart, chopping and stitching up’ that shocked my insides… gosh it hurt! Needless to say, within the first 24hrs of being out of hospital I was at a dance class, slow & steady with not a lot of movement… but still… THERE! The next day… 2 more dance classes… and I knooow what youre thinking… “IDIOT!” And I get it… BUT! Would you believe me that I diiiiiid take it easy in all 3 lessons… alas… maaaay have done a bit of damage to my new scar tissue… From LAUGHING!!!! Yep! I had been cooped up in a painful bubble within the 4 walls of hospital for a week… and allllll that joy came bursting out real fast! And hard! And sooooo painfully! Tears streamed down my face while I tried desperately to stop laughing at one point.. or two… or many! haha. Oh what a journey.
I have healed well! The new scars have found their place and sunk deeply into my skin… Iam yet to have a pirate party to debut them all… but they aren’t going anywhere so there is time! The pain on the inside has been a journey slightly unprepared for… the mental adjustment journey even more so!!! 19 months I had lived with that unpredictable, beastly pain that would interrupt my days and nights like a bull at a gate… there was no stopping it… just drugs to knock it out. Then… sleep the drugs off for a few days… get back to my flow… and offff we go… until I would be woken a few nights later with the same ordeal. And on repeat. Many have described the pain as ‘worse that child birth’… and well.. Im feeling mighty prepared to be a mama!
But more than the visible scars from the battle… have been the mental scars! To face the fear of ‘I’m having another attack!” at any niggly discomfort I felt… to reminding my mind and body that we no longer have a gallbladder to be cautious of… Its been suuuuch a real ride! And one that no one really prewarns you of… I hope to share more of this with others so they are prepared!

ANYWAY! Back to that still, small whisper..! Months ago… in the lead up to the final surgery… While facing many emotional waves, my wonderful friend and dance teacher who happens to be an incredibly in tune soul led me through a time of ‘listening’ to my core truths with how my body and I relate to each other… It was through this moment that I realized that I had lost communication with my body… meaning, I had stopped ‘checking in’ on a daily let alone a moment by moment basis to see how it was going… and once I realized and started to pick it back up… GAME CHANGER! This literally changed my experience of those last few months of navigating my day to day… then going into surgery… the compassion and friendship that rekindled with communicating with my body was significantly beautiful!
Now… fast forward to this present day… sitting on the couch in my PJ’s with yet more canceled plans & a body on struggle street… the realization today is.. Ive had a very big couple of weeks running on the hamster wheel of adventurous life FILLED with such! Beauty!… and not stopped to ‘check in’ with my body who, just a mere 5 weeks ago endured a big ordeal… and now… my little liver who has been learning to do life without its gallbladder friend is getting exhausted.
Im exhausted! Grateful, yes! Deeply grateful for the gift of life and allllll that it holds… but exhausted!!!

Communication! It isnt for the faint hearted. It! Takes! Bravery!!! To stare down the moments of confrontation and open communication. It can be scary, daunting, humbling, painful… but all this aside… I have found when approaching another with open communication, no matter the relationship or role they hold in the circle of your life… Open communication almost alllllways releases the most liberating of freedom! To be seen, known… and heard!!! That’s how we get to know each other… our characters, the gift we can be to one another… is only deepened by the space and time we give to honor open communication.

I definitely still struggle with the ‘RUN!’ response to my body feeling like its going to interfere with my dreams, desires and plans… which sounds crazy yeah? ‘Running from my own body..’ ??? What I have found with the ‘hard communication’ moments of life, is that it often takes a deep breath, sometimes some quiet time before approaching conversation. For me and my body… this looks like intentionally carving out time amongst the go go go to look to see the elements of balance in it all…! Where have I been out and about… and where can I prioritize ‘me time’… time to be still, do some art, light a candle, read, reflect, journal… take note of allllll the beauty of the times I have been flying through yet, if I don’t take that time to let the memories sink deeply into my soul or onto my journal pages… there is only so many beautiful memories this brain can carry…! And just like that… my body, while it loves loves loves to gooooo without restraint or control, dancing a crazy dance until your legs collapse and you fall in a heap… feels worth it until you realize how long it may take until any kind of capacity comes back for any kind of movement or adventure…!
Yiiiikes. Learning Wisdom can be a tricky pill to swallow..!

So Brave Dreamers… Heres my Encouragment.
Its not just the deep feeling hearts that need to navigate the time and space to communicate what they are holding deep down inside…
Its not just the ‘not completely able’ bodies that need to take time to stop and see the gaps in the day to find the nearest couch & tap a nap…
Its not for the feeling of ‘comfortability’ that we face moments of communication for the result of liberating freedom…

Communication is a deep deep deeeeep expression of Love! Self love, Gifting Love and Receiving Love. An invaluable gift!
And on the flipside… LETS CELEBRATE!!!!! Last week while having a soul sista stay with me for the week, we woke early one morning to put our toes in the sand… which was the first time I have wobbled on the beach in a couple of months by myself…and myyyyyy goodness did it feel AMAZING!!! High Five to the Body!!! Celebrating the little big wins is Essential to embracing the beauty within the journey!!! What can you celebrate in your beautiful self..? Gosh Im Grateful!!!
So so many stories to tell from the last little big of life my friends… But Im going to take my own advice and leave it there for just today..! haha.

Till Next Time,
Be You. Stay You. Love You!!!
xxx