The Brave Dreamer Journey!

Dear Brave Dreamer,

Today was a productive day. I worked this morning in my sweet job with my
precious little people, had an important catch up with my NDIS plan manager whom
I love & think is amazing & my support worker who is deeply knitted
into my heart first & foremost as my friend, I went grocery shopping, made
a healthy meal, paid some bills & tucked a tiny rest in there as well…
all the while… with a persistent, nagging, stubborn headache. I know… how
DARE it interrupt my ‘kicking goals’ kind of a day!!!

Headaches & I are not friends… but we know each other well. Being born
with Hydrocephalous, fluid on the brain and having a shunt, a pump/drain in my
brain that has kept me alive since birth… My adventure with this condition
has been far from a smooth one. We have had quite the turbulent, troubled,
tricky, troublesome, traumatic… just… we have had a rough time in
the past! haha. So yeah… I know headaches well to say the least.
Todays headache however… I know is a result of the strong pain killer I had
to take at 4am this morning when my Rockstar gallbladder woke me up in a
painful ‘good morning’ kinda way… alas… I was determined to get through my
day! Headaches are not a fun time for me… or anyone I’m sure! Coming from a
past of many brain surgeries & much adventuring through hectic trials…my
understanding & response to a headache is not the ‘normal’. My body freaks
out. My stress levels rise with the pain which can create tension… worsening
the pain… It can be a scary experience. But today, in this moment of time…
It is just a side effect of some strong drugs.

I was thinking tonight, remembering my last appointment I had with my Neurosurgeon
just over a month ago. I had had a horrible experience, the first in a very
long time, of my pump blocking resulting in yet another sirens blaring race off
to the hospital. Naturally, an appointment to see my Neuro was booked in for
that week to assess everything once it had settled a bit. I was tired, teary
& feeling oh so fragile in my body… between my stomach & my brain tag
teaming unpredictable painful attacks on my days & nights, I was very aware
of fear creeping at the doorstep of my heart… and I didn’t appreciate it! You
can imagine, in this state, when I went to see my Neuro for the appointment,
only to leave feeling very helpless and hopeless after a ‘we cant really do
anything to fix this’… I was wrecked. I cried a lot. Fell into the arms of
loving, supportive, praying friends… & I sat still in this place of ‘this
feels like a nightmare’ reluctantly for a moment before being reminded… Hope.
The Anchor.

I have had the labels, the declarations & the
dooming calls spoken over my life and situations at times. Unfortunately they
aren’t a stranger either… But then.., There is Hope. Unrelenting, always
present whether in a tiny glisten or a bright spark.. and boooy oh boy do you
jump at it when you’re in desperate need.

When I was a 14 year old me, drowning in the pain-filled life of a body that
constantly rejected my shunt, being called a ‘hopeless case’ more than once…
and then there was Charlie! Dr Charlie Teo is a world renown Neurosurgeon that
is known for his ‘risks’… the way in which he speaks to his patients, giving
them the ‘you may be dying but your cup is still half full’ approach rather
than the ‘lets just get you comfy & warm while you pass time’ that is the
standard way in which ‘hard cases’ are handled… this man knows rejection,
criticism & the battle of pushing on, staying focused as he has been at the
receiving end of all the judgement of other critical surgeons who think he is
giving ‘false hope’ to his patients. My story with Charlie was a quick one…
he performed a specific, hope-filled, 90/100% success rate procedure on me… 2
1/2 weeks & 4 surgeries later I became part of the 10% unsuccessful few not
by any fault of his… but just by means of my body sticking to its ‘lets be
different’ life theme… Though, I will always be truly deeply grateful for the
purpose that man carries & the battles he continues to fight for the cause
of seeing a spark of Hope & diving for it.

‘False Hope’… what a concept! Is that even a thing..? How can you have
let alone give ‘false hope’… when all it takes is a tiny glimmer to
HAVE hope..? This alone is a perspective I’m not sure can be understood unless
you have stood in the shoes of one of his patients. There is no ‘false hope’…
Only Hope! Real & Tangible…
It has taken literally years to get to a place within myself that when a
headache approaches, the automatic response is not that of survival, but
rather, a revival..!

Revival: ‘An improvement in the condition,
strength, or fortunes of someone of something. a restoration to life or
consciousness.’

BOOM!!! Revival.

In the natural what does that look like..? Well… a whole lot of intentional
slowing down to reflect on why there may be a headache to start with… Some
very deep, again intentional breaths, drinking some big gulps of water or
stopping to eat a good meal, slowing down the thoughts of ‘what if’s’ that add
to the tension already present… reminding yourself amongst a body that may be
way too use to the trauma a headache can lead to… ‘Im ok..!’ Being present in
the moment can be a key to improving & overcoming the many experiences of
trauma… a changing of the narrative.

This feels like a very specific perspective to share to those who are living
it… but I felt to share. The Hope in amongst the Headache! Its a real thing!

Can I encourage you… what ‘common’ theme may be in your life that your mind
and body are familiar with that maaaay just be twigged or shifted..? It takes a
whole lot of risky intentionality & determination to create a new narrative
for your body to learn… But so worth it!!!

Ok. Typing with a headache was my last risky decision for this beautiful day my friends! haha! I hope you feel my deep hearted encouragement through this!

Till next time,
Be You, Stay You, Love You!
xxx